Thursday, July 19, 2007

GOAL!!

This morning an amazing thing happened...I reached my goal weight--officially on the scale at the doctor's office! This means that I am approved for gastric bypass surgery and have my surgery date, a little over a month from now!

It still feels a bit surreal. I feel like it has been so long that I have been thinking about this surgery, considering it, researching it, preparing for it... I can hardly believe it's actually going to happen in just a few weeks.

I got a new digital scale to use at home last week. From the beginning I was sceptical, because the weights it was telling me seemed too good to be true. But it kept going down, day by day, so I figured that even if the actual number wasn't correct, it would be able to tell if I had lost anything.

Last Wednesday at the support group I was weighed and had just 4 lbs left to lose, so I decided I would try to lose that in a week and go in for a morning weigh-in. Well, the goal set by my surgeon was 301 lbs, and this morning I weighed in at 298.5. That means I lost almost 6 lbs in a week. And lest you think I was crash dieting, let me assure you, I was not. I got my daily exercise, and I stuck to my eating plan for the most part (I may have tripped up and had some sugar once or twice), I drank my water and prayed that I would make goal, and it worked.

So, I got an EKG, some blood work, and was able to meet with the consulting nurse (she squeezed me in instead of making me come back next week--thank goodness!). She scheduled me for my surgery and the rest of my pre-op appointments, after grilling me about my diet and "bariatric lifestyle changes."

I really wanted my surgery for the last week in August, so I would have Labor Day weekend to recover before school starts up again (did I mention I'm a grad student?). Amazingly, I was able to get the last appointment left for my Surgeon for August, on the last Tuesday, which gives me a full 7 days to recover before classes begin. I was also able to get all my pre-op appointments scheduled on the same day. It will suck to be at the hospital all day long, but great to only have to make one trip and one day off work.

I got the referral to the bariatric surgery program from my primary doctor last November. When we talked about it, she said it could be a year before I could actually have the surgery. At that point a year seemed so long to wait, especially after I had spent so long on my own researching the surgery and considering my options. Now, it won't be a year, more like 9 months from start to finish, and it has gone by so freaking fast!

I know that some of the people at the support group or on the email list I belong to are right at the beginning of the process, where I was in November, and they are feeling discouraged and impatient, just like I was, but I feel so much hope for them, because once they make the decision to do this, the time and hard work really does fly by. Perhaps someone is reading this blog and is at that stage. To you I say, you can do it. you really can. Just make the decision that this is what you want for your life, and it will be easier than you think.

And if anyone is reading this, leave me a comment, OK? Just so I know you're out there.

Monday, July 16, 2007

progress

So, this morning a friend asked me if I have been busy posting on this, my "super secret blog," and I realized that I have not--I've been quite a slacker, in fact. So, I apologize, if anyone is actually reading. My lack of blogging does not, thankfully, indicate a lack of progress on the weight loss front.

As you can see from the ticker at the bottom of the page, I have lost 43 lbs since I started keeping track (last November, when I was weighed at my primary care doctor's office).
The strange thing about losing weight when you are really big to begin with is that it's hard to tell. I can hardly believe I've lost that much already, because when I look in the mirror, I don't see that much of a change.

That's not entirely true, I do see something, but I'm never really sure if I'm just imagining that I look smaller or my face is thinner. I live in fear that somehow I have been tricking the scales at the doctor's office, and will be found out!

The way I really know that I have lost some weight is in my clothes. Several pairs of pants are too big for me now, and I went shopping the other day and bought several things in smaller sizes than usual. I have worn the same size for over ten years, so it is very strange to buy smaller clothes. I don't entirely trust them, even when I've tried them on and they've fit. Funny how easy it is to believe bad things about our selves and how hard to believe good things!

In the surgery front, at last week's support group, I weighed in at 305 lbs, which is just 4 lbs away from my goal weight! I really really want to reach my goal this week--I'll have to make a special appointment to get weighed at the doc's office to prove I've made goal, and then I'll be able to schedule my surgery and all the appointments that one needs right before the surgery.

I can not wait until I get my surgery date. Then it will all begin to feel more real. I've only recently begun saying and thinking things like, "when I'm thin," and "if I get that small..." and my friends are so wonderful and supportive, saying "you will be!" I worry that they are bored and annoyed with hearing about my weight loss journey, but they don't let on if they are.

OK, so if you've read this far, I thank you for reading, and ask for your prayers. I'm joining a gym, paying off my credit cards, and getting rid of tons of old clothes and clutter. I really feel lie I'm taking charge of my life and making it what I want it to be. So, thanks for coming along for the ride!