progress

So, this morning a friend asked me if I have been busy posting on this, my "super secret blog," and I realized that I have not--I've been quite a slacker, in fact. So, I apologize, if anyone is actually reading. My lack of blogging does not, thankfully, indicate a lack of progress on the weight loss front.

As you can see from the ticker at the bottom of the page, I have lost 43 lbs since I started keeping track (last November, when I was weighed at my primary care doctor's office).
The strange thing about losing weight when you are really big to begin with is that it's hard to tell. I can hardly believe I've lost that much already, because when I look in the mirror, I don't see that much of a change.

That's not entirely true, I do see something, but I'm never really sure if I'm just imagining that I look smaller or my face is thinner. I live in fear that somehow I have been tricking the scales at the doctor's office, and will be found out!

The way I really know that I have lost some weight is in my clothes. Several pairs of pants are too big for me now, and I went shopping the other day and bought several things in smaller sizes than usual. I have worn the same size for over ten years, so it is very strange to buy smaller clothes. I don't entirely trust them, even when I've tried them on and they've fit. Funny how easy it is to believe bad things about our selves and how hard to believe good things!

In the surgery front, at last week's support group, I weighed in at 305 lbs, which is just 4 lbs away from my goal weight! I really really want to reach my goal this week--I'll have to make a special appointment to get weighed at the doc's office to prove I've made goal, and then I'll be able to schedule my surgery and all the appointments that one needs right before the surgery.

I can not wait until I get my surgery date. Then it will all begin to feel more real. I've only recently begun saying and thinking things like, "when I'm thin," and "if I get that small..." and my friends are so wonderful and supportive, saying "you will be!" I worry that they are bored and annoyed with hearing about my weight loss journey, but they don't let on if they are.

OK, so if you've read this far, I thank you for reading, and ask for your prayers. I'm joining a gym, paying off my credit cards, and getting rid of tons of old clothes and clutter. I really feel lie I'm taking charge of my life and making it what I want it to be. So, thanks for coming along for the ride!